my birthday was a blast, it really was, i will never forget it, thanks so much. it is the one birthday i will never forget, it was a bit magical and adventuress. Went to San Fransisco, wow what a city, I want to travel the world now, i do. it was a great vacation and a great trip, it was the best birthday weekend I've ever had. I would never forget it, i was so happy the entire time.

I'm going throught that stage where i dont know what to do with my life. i have a job at school, school isn't that crazy. i just want to settle in with what i have, but somehow i can't. so i was dating this person who's completely not the right person for me, i know in the long run is not going to work out, yet i keep giving in. I dont know what to do, i want another job, i want to know what should i do. should i keep dating this person that our sexual tension is so strong or let it go, because i know for a fact and is not right, is never going to work out. and i know is not, we have so many differences, yet so many things in common is crazy. we are crazy for each other, yet i want to let everything go and start of fresh. I hate how i think so much about the situation i can't think straight. I just had to get this out my chest, so many decisions yet i can't make a single one. I hate it. i'm going to bed, i dont like thinking so much.

SO many things have happened, fall classes are almost over, i've become so lazy, my love life is crazy, not what i expected, we'll leave it at that. classes are hard, as of this moment my ass is trying to register for the spring. and i can't wait for this semester to be over. i want peace and i want answers to many things.

I want the future NOW, i want answers!

This is the end of this chapter


I've asked for a sign, but nothing. I gotten tired of waiting. There is no hope, nor a sign in which I can rely on. Destiny is tricky, then yet again “patience is a virtue“. I am tired, annoyed and even aggravated by the circumstances in which I lay in. Confusing lies within my mind and soul. I myself don’t understand this sympathy. God has lay upon me many reasons, and I shall listen and comprehend without questions. I no longer can wait upon this doubt but understand that life goes on. I close this chapter of this hesitation with some simple lines of input. Say goodbye to those thoughts of mystifying. Rejuvenate thoughts will soon emerge and this sequel of thoughts will soon be forgotten. Life is simple, life is short, therefore why keep waiting..

No more ideas or thoughts, they have diminished completely!

I'm DONE With SCHOOL, i feel so free, well for a week that's it, i go back to school in exactly a week, sep 4.

Work seems pretty cool, i already had my cashier's training and orientation, everybody looks pretty cool, i start my actual working day on tuesday i'm a bit excited, but scare. So i work next week, wish me luck!

I'm confuse again, like seriously i need help.

I Got a NEW job, my new job is at the csulb bookstore, how cool is that i'll be working in the University and working around my class schedule very convenient. a bit excited and nervous for now.

I'm so freaking happpy, i check my csulb email and i got the noticed that i passed my WPE, the writing proficiency exam that u need to pass, not to hard to pass but there is always that doubt of what if you dont, but i did.
Black people are ignorant and stupid i hate them, they, (the neighbors) broke into the house in front our house. how sad is sad, i can relate. why do they do that, why do people do horrible things overall why. MAY GOD BE WITH US

Today was such a freaking cool day, the best so far i think this summer, of course God help me. Well today my math teacher gave the first midterm back, and she said the highest score was 126 out of 150, and i was like oh man, and then she said the average is 50% i was like oh man every body did pretty bad, maybe i did bad too. Well guess what people, i got 126, I'm the ONE who got the HIGHEST SCORE, i was so freaking happy that teacher is super tough. then i receive a voicemal from CSULB conveneince store, she said she wants me to go next week for an interview. i really hope i get the job because i need to do something besides taking care of my nephew during the week. I'm so freaking excited.

I'm done with Psychology 130, i finished today, the final wasnt that bad, i knew most of the answer to the problems and i try my best i hope i past the test. May GOD be with me.

I sometimes feel like if my friends weren't really my friends, I feel as i annoyed people or something. Like one of my friends didn't invite me to her sister weeding in which i know her too and she was a really close friend in HS, however she did invite my other friend who just became close to her in a year. Maybe she doesn't like me or i annoyed her or something.

Lately I've been feeling like there is no one out there paying attention to me, not in that way but i feel like nobody wants to be near me, nobody wants to talk to me or something. I Dont know but i get a vive that no one tells me whats going on and when there are parties out there from close friends they dont tell me and stuff. who knows whats happening, maybe i do really bother people, i wish i knew.

I want to delete everyone in my life and at times start all over i feel that i dont want to deal with people BullShit and old BULL SHIT, i have meet a lot of great people that i love and that i care for, but at times i wish i can delete everything in my life and start all over again, i want to start all over and never looking back, i hate myself at times because i have such a great memory and stuff but i wish i can forget all the bad things and let them go and never looking back. however i stubborn and i remember stuff and i cant forget the past.

I need to seek for change, i need a change in my life to find a better meaning.

So i decided not to pay attention to him, even though he's just my friend and i can chose to go out with him whenever he asks me, but now i know where i stand, and i dont want to be someone's going out buddy in any circumtances, maybe with another guy, but him in especially i feel that i shouldnt let myself. Is not that i'm afraid of falling for him, because i honestly believe that i'm a really strong person when it comes to relationship. So i had invited him to go with me to the observatory, and he was able to go, and we were going to go and all, but i decided to tell him that i rather go with my mom and my little brother. so i think he got a little upset, but i dont want him to feel that i like him in any way whatsoever, because i dont. i like being with him and i like his company but i feel that he thinks i'm just seconds, that im not goood enough to be around him or something, thats the vive he gives me i might be wrong. But for now i dont really want to go out with him or talk to him, if he really needs me as a friend he will come to me whenever he wants to but i'm not going to be doing whatever he wants at the time he's free. Only time will let me know who is out there for me and who are the good friends, from the ones that just want to use me whenever they want too.

I was doing a lot of thinking and now i know what i want, and when I Want it!